Months before I said “Yes” when I was asked to become the next APSA, I remember a conversation I had with my predecessor, Mr. Jun Balmaceda. He said something along these lines (which I have roughly translated): “The challenges of the APSA Office at times seem insurmountable, and it takes a little craziness to maintain sanity in dealing with them.”
I knew what I was getting into. I will need to look after over two thousand students. I will need to listen to the complaints of parents. I will immerse myself in their problems. I will need to take care of over two hundred faculty members. I will deal with issues spanning about three generations. There will be problems that I can anticipate and prepare for, and those that I won’t even see coming.
Then I figured that each and every one of us is faced with seemingly insurmountable challenges from time to time. And they do not have to be problems associated with work. They can come in the form of losing a loved one in a tragic event. Maybe you found out that your husband or your wife is having an affair and your family is falling apart. Maybe you made a wrong investment, and now you can’t pay for your children’s tuition fees. In any case, maybe Mr. Balmaceda’s advice has a lot of wisdom: taking these problems too seriously would make us go insane. People who really know me would say I have no problem with going a little crazy. There are times when it’s hard to distinguish if I am serious or not. But what I would like to share in this Mass is a weapon I have found more effective in facing these challenges than just a little craziness. That weapon, is a way of prayer.
Since last a retreat I attended last May, prayer for me has no longer been a monologue that I hope God would hear. I have discovered that it can be a dialogue where I can hear what God is telling me. But it is something that is not automatic for me, especially when I have a lot of things on my mind. So I began to study the conditions that allow this to happen. Here are the steps that I follow:
1. Pray for God’s grace. Use a formula prayer or read a Bible passage for the day. Pray that God will speak to you and that you will hear it.
2. Clear your mind from all your thoughts and worries. In this process you may be reminded that everything in this world is only temporary. Just be aware of your present environment. You can close your eyes and rely on your other senses. Be conscious of your breathing, and with each breath thank the Holy Spirit for giving you this life.
3. A reflection guide will always helpful. Write your thoughts and feelings in a notebook. It can be about the passage that you read. It can be about your answers to some guide questions. It can be about anything. You can even draw if you like.
4. Just wait for the grace to come. But when it happens, how do you know if it is God or something you just conjured from your unconscious? You will know when you hear something that did not come from you. You will be moved to tears. For some you will be moved through uncontrollable laughter, or maybe even music. There will be a surge of emotion that will creep in and take over. And then things will become clear. The seemingly insurmountable challenges before you will become the blueprint of God’s plan. You will feel energized, like a battery that could run forever. At that point, try to write everything as fast as you could. Not that you’re going to forget God’s word, but so you can go back to the experience from time to time.
5. Close the experience with a prayer. It can be a formula prayer. Or it can be something you just made up, like this:
Lord, I remember a homily given by our former chaplain, Fr. Rudy Fernandez. He said that when Mary responded with the magic word ‘Yes,’ God was set loose into the world. And the blind began to see, the deaf began to hear, the mute began to speak. When I said ‘Yes’ to this tremendous responsibility of becoming the APSA, I knew this wasn’t about me anymore. I am going to let you loose into this community. Use me as Your instrument, and let’s make some beautiful music.
Mr. Jon Bilog
APSA
