Reflection for Ateneo High School Faculty

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Reflection AHS

Reflection for Ateneo High School Faculty

Math Subject Area Reflection
Jeremias A. Endrina, Jr.
May 17, 2010

Good morning!

A couple of weeks ago I was asked to give a reflection in behalf of the Math Subject Area. This brought me less sleep hours at night thinking of what the reflection would be and how would I communicate it. I was pressured by the reflections given last week. I’m neither sensibly funny like Sir Enzo, part of the main cast of Igkas like Maam Jovy (I was with the cut and paste committee) nor did I cast my vote last elections (I was registered in Bukidnon and nobody was willing to sponsor my fare.) Not until I had my shower last friday that I remembered some thoughts shared to us by Dr. Jaguthsing Dindyal, our Ateneo-Singapore Workhop Speaker. I reflected on those points that same day, which made me think of so many things during the last day of the seminar-workshop. I am sorry for that. Nevertheless, the workshop was all worth it. I was able to reflect and prepare for this morning’s reflection.

I will share what I have reflected about three “don’ts” on assessing student learning. I would like to emphasize that I got these from the words of Dr. Jaguthsing Dindyal. After my reflection, I will show a video for synthesis and post questions for individual reflection. We will then end with a prayer.

The following are the points that struck me during the workshop:
1. don’t rely in assessing student learning on one source of information;
2. don’t conduct a test to penalize weak students rather conduct a test to assess students' learning;
3. don’t give credit to correct answer with incorrect solution for obviously you cannot have an accurate answer if your method is wrong.

First, don’t rely in assessing student learning on one source of information. You might ask, what makes it striking? Let me tell you some of my teaching experiences in my first year here in the Ateneo. For reasons I do not know, I was blessed with challenges last school year. I had the “makukulit, nakaka-inis at nakaka-asar,” students. Sorry for the descriptions. It was my first time, in my three years of teaching, that I felt some pains in the neck whenever I get mad at my students - I hope it won’t lead to hypertension later on. Most of the time, for lack of a better term, I call them “basura” at the back of my mind. Which would trigger my conscience saying, “je, hindi yan magandang gawain.” It is but right for a teacher to reprimand students who often sleep in class, fail most of the long tests and worse, feel tired about their life. One day a student, not one of those unruly ones, a Math achiever in fact, approached me and shared something about a problem his family went through these past few months. He shared that he might not be able to perform well in class because he is bothered and disturbed about it. I didn’t expect something like this from a student like him. My impression of him is that he is a happy-go-lucky person. Now, I learned that not all of what my students show and do are true. They could be facades of what they experience at home. And that I should not judge them for who they are because of what I see in them. This experience echoes what Mr. Bilog said: students who often have sanctions are the same students who experience difficulty at home, and who we are right now is a product of what we have experienced in the past (Sean Covey; 7 Habits of Highly Effective Teens).

I would like to add that although my experiences shaped me to become who I am today, I believe that I still have the freedom to reshape it the way I want it to be. I can choose not to be controlled by my life experiences rather I learn from them and soar to greater heights. My students might not understand this by now. But as a teacher, I can start making them feel that they are more than what they say and do in school. I will not rely on one-sided information to know them better. To understand them is to be convinced with the idea that they are more than what they show in class.

Second, don’t conduct a test to penalize weak students but to assess students' learning. I confess that I sometimes violate this sacred principle of assessment. Looking back, I would sometimes wish that the unruly students would fail in all assessments I conduct, so that the agony of always reprimanding them will come to an end. I would at times find pleasure in the low scores of my unwanted students. And worst, I would box them as the “no wonder why” students. Sad to say, even though they do not do homework regularly, these same students have more than enough ability to pass the subject.

Last Thursday after the workshop, around 4:30pm, Senator Jinggoy Estrada entered the MST workroom with Sir Jerry Pavia. We were all star struck by his presence that when I passed by him my only thoughts were, “ah, si Jinggoy.” Maam Jo, who was then talking to Patrick, did not stop uttering words as a reaction to what she saw even though Patrick did not anymore understand what Maam Jo was saying. The day after that, I learned that Jinggoy’s son will be studying in our school and could possibly be one of my students. Since I don’t really like Jinggoy, my reaction was “sana hindi ako” and “kung ako magiging guro ng anak hiya, humanda siya sa akin.” How bad those thoughts were. I’m afraid that if I won’t put a stop to it, neither will I be happy with my second year of teaching here in the Ateneo nor he, the son of Senator Jinggoy, will have a meaningful experience of . “Thoughts become things,” a famous line from the documentary entitled The Secret. Because I have a negative impression programmed in my mind about some of my students and Senator Jinggoy, I begin to translate it in not so good ways. I start to notice more of the negative in them. I set out to be very critical on what they do. I embark on thinking about punishing them as a form of revenge. For sure, I will be the one who will have less in this game because I will fail to enjoy their company as my students.

Third, don’t give credit to a correct answer with an incorrect solution for obviously you cannot have an accurate answer if your method is wrong. This made me think of the correct way of learning about life. Is it through the school? Is it through other people? Or is it through experiences? Either way, I am sure that my students taught me a lot about life. My first year teaching experience here in the Ateneo is something that I should be thankful for. Although it was a roller coaster ride, I believe it has molded me to become a better teacher. I strongly believe that my being here is part of the correct method that constantly makes me learn things. And in faith, I believe it was Him who planned all these. He is indeed the greatest teacher - He who deserves all the credit. To Him be the glory! My students, Senator Jinggoy, Dr. Dindyal, my colleagues in the Math Subject Area were instrumental to who I am today – better teacher, better worker and better person. Plus ten to them! I would like to say the words shared to us by Fr. Rudy Fernandez, “For all that has been, thanks. For all that will be, yes.”

Now, I would like to show a video clip as a synthesis of my reflection. The video clip was created from a fictional story written by Elizabeth Silance Ballard published in 1974 by Home Life Magazine entitled "Three Letters from Teddy."

(Show video clip.)

Before the closing prayer, I would like us to spend few minutes reflecting on the following questions:
a. What has been my greatest lesson this past school year?
b. How did God manifest His teachings to me?
c. What do I hope for this coming school year?


Prayer:

Loving God, you believed in me that’s why you entrusted me with a great responsibility of molding not just the mind but the whole person of my students. Give me the grace to open my heart to every student under my care. Bestow me with your wisdom to transcend with the realities of life. Fill me with your Holy Spirit to sustain the strength in me. I thank you for the daily opportunity of becoming a better person for my students. May I be faithful to Your plan here on earth as I try to follow the example of Your Son Jesus Christ, the greatest Teacher. Amen.

In You I find my Home

Amelia Camile Solmerin


Never thought this is possible Lord
that as tears are streaming down
my heart is smiling
for now I finally celebrate
with conviction
I am your beloved

The events in my life maybe hurtful
even scary Lord
My heart maybe reasonable frustrated

Left on my own
I would have long
fallen apart, torn to pieces
ending up worthless

Yet as I lay crying in my bed
You gently lull me to sleep
Each morning you nudge me back
to my senses

I have all the reasons
to stay in bed
wallowing in pain
file my complaints

Yet each new day
You send me persons
so much more wounded
than I am
reminding me it is for
love that You meant that life to be

In my weaknesses, You strengthen me
In my brokenness, You mend me
In my emptiness, You fill me
with tremendous love
beyond human measure

The nagging pain inside is grace
for my bruised heart
my wounded spirit
lead me to stretch out my hand
and receive your embrace

I will stumble and fall
but You who formed in
my mother's womb
enfused my veins
with love

My broken heart
throbs for you
My Eternal home
Amen

Reflection: AHS Faculty Retreat 2010

It’s been some years since I’ve had a good retreat; I think 2005 was the last one that I truly encountered God’s presence and this was in the Betania Retreat House in Baguio. Prior to this last retreat, I went to the Pink Sisters in Hemady to ask for prayers that I may again experience God just like the way I saw Him in 2005. I was not disappointed.

I was angry about some things when I boarded the bus going to Tagaytay. I thought that I will not have a good one again because I was distracted and it was difficult to concentrate on God’s love when I was thinking about people who irritate me and who I irritate in return. I’m sure that my Spiritual Director was not happy with our first session because I had nothing but angst and he must either had been very disappointed or very challenged. I told him about my difficulty in focusing in my prayers, that my mind would wonder off about so many things. My Spiritual Director advised me to focus my eyes on the crucifix or on a lighted candle to keep my mind off from any other thoughts. The crucifix or the lighted candle would help me go back to Jesus image. I was also told that if my prayers keep on talking about myself, then it is not a good prayer. I had doubts that I’ll have a good one.

In my first prayer in the chapel, just when I started to talk about my problems there was a compelling voice more forceful than mine telling me to forget about my concerns because these are already known by Jesus. Instead, I was told to listen to Him, focus on my relationship with Him, and use it as a bonding time for the two of us. He told me that my problems were not important, that there were things more important to settle and that was for me to build on a strong relationship with Him. I asked, okay then, what ought I to do. My eyes were fixed on the crucifix thinking about the Man whose outstretch arms are reaching out for the entire humanity. Suddenly, my issues no longer mattered, there was only Jesus and myself. I was given an assurance that he takes care of me and that He is constantly on my side and will never leave me. I finished my prayer with a feeling of lightheartedness all personal issues about some people forgotten.

During the exposition of the Blessed Sacrament that night, as I gazed at the crucifix and was wondering how God can listen to so many of us, how he can be mindful of all of us. The silence was deafening and the dimmed lights created an atmosphere of a Holy ground. In a few minutes I can feel His presence all over the place, not just on the Cross and I knew that He is so vast and we are tiny dots compared to His greatness. Later, I came to a realization that if the Jesus hanging on the Cross is chopped to the smallest pieces possible, there is enough for everyone to share just like in the multiplication of the bread. If we squeezed His blood, it will continue oozing until each one of us has drunk it just like what He offered during the Last Supper. Then suddenly, I got the surprise of my life as I saw Jesus with so much brilliance in all His splendor approaching me from the back. It was fast because in so short a second, I saw Him from the back of the upper part of my shoulders and entering my body lowering Himself at the back of my chest moving forward and suddenly settled not in my heart but in my gut. I always thought that Jesus’ place is in the heart, I did not understand this location at all. My tears were falling but I can vividly see Jesus looking up at me from my gut with a very tender eyes. At that moment, there was only Jesus and myself again. In the silence of the night, Jesus has entered my body and I asked Him to stay and I was wondering how to lock Him up inside. I went to sleep very serenely that night.

On Day 2, I was in the chapel at 2:30pm. Fifteen minutes later, the sun dimmed and there was a great silence and a feeling of contentment, peace and security in Jesus. I started to read Isaiah 43, thus, says the Lord… Fear not for I have redeemed you, when you passed through the water I will be with you, in the rivers you shall not drown. Then I noticed that I was no longer directing the reading but there was a male voice reading the passage and I was following His very slow phase. The voice was very masculine and very clear. I continued to follow the reading and I felt very contented, consoled and secured in the love of Jesus. At that moment, I still did not think that it was Jesus voice and continued to contemplate on the psalm. Then the voice disappeared and I was in awe at that time when I realized that the voice must have been Jesus’ voice. I wanted to hold on to that moment but the feeling disappeared. A little while later, I smelled something sweet but not very intense. In the Baguio retreat I mentioned earlier, I encountered God through the sense of smell. So, I said, “No, this is too much.” I continued to fix my eyes on the Cross, there was a sweet smell again, still not very intense. After a few seconds, the sweet smell became very intense I became so excited and I said, “Oh my God, you’re here, you’re here. This is too much.” My tears started to roll and time stood still. There was so much peace, joy and contentment and it was as if nothing and no one existed in the world except myself and Jesus. Then, suddenly, the sweet, fragrant smell disappeared. Later that night as I went to sleep, I remembered about the two apostles at Emmaus. Jesus disappeared when they realized that it was Jesus to whom they were talking too.

I was already in high spirits with the encounters I’ve had. So that when there was again the exposition of the Blessed Sacrament the second night I thought that my prayers will already be dry. But I was mistaken. As I looked at the Cross again, the picture of Jesus in my gut came back. I saw Him becoming bigger and slowly moving out of my body and this time I became smaller and He enveloped me, we had exchanged places, I was in His gut. The picture stayed on for a while then it disappeared. Later on I came to a realization that since Jesus envelopes me, I am very much protected that when someone hurts me, He is the first line of defense. In the same manner the same thing is true for the rest of us, if I try to hurt someone then it must be Jesus I hurt first. We inflict wounds on one another not realizing that we are all hurting Jesus Himself. I came to realize that Jesus envelops me at all times but He is inside when my worldly concerns become my priority. He looks up from my gut with pity knowing that issues, fears, pain, and sometimes even joy cover His presence and remains lock up inside. But when I am focus with His presence, His real place is outside as He envelops me, protecting me from anything and anyone that may harm me. He envelops me whenever He is my priority

Truly this God that I encountered in this retreat was a God of surprises. He came to me when I was not expecting Him and His image is forever imprinted in my mind. He appeared as a King in all splendor and glory, His beauty is beyond words and His face was full of compassion and mercy.

My encounters with Jesus are a challenge for me. Knowing that He is inside my body, I have become aware that I ought to do as He does and follow what He says is the greatest commandment and that is to love one another as He has loved us.

Will I live to the challenge? It remains to be seen as I continue with the many human struggles…

Anonymous